If your daughters get the vaccine against human papilloma virus, they will so totally think it's a license to have sex! Because if they don't get it, they'll absolutely stop their hormone-driven boyfriends in their tracks with a well-informed "No, I will not have sex with you, because I might get genital warts if I do, and then in 20-40 years I might get cervical cancer as a result." That's exactly how 13-year-old girls think. Yes, Texas parents, you have your fingers on the pulse of a generation!
And by all means, please don't worry about instead developing your daughter's self-confidence and self-image to the point where she won't be afraid of losing her boyfriend's love if she doesn't have sex with him. Oh no. I'm sure you're doing just fine, and it's only the knowledge that she won't get genital warts that will set her free on the highway of youthful lustyness.
(Aimed, of course, only at those with the attitude addressed above. There are probably plenty of Texas parents who are miffed the requirement got nixed.)
2 comments:
When depicted with big, googly, cartoon eyes and a coy grin, genital warts are actually kind of cute.
If more kids would just learn to love spending hours by themselves, playing in the basement with Legos, Star Wars ships and Smurf figures while listening to "Grover Sings the Blues," we could turn our nation's collective attention back where it belongs: holding Hollywood on its Oscar promise to remain "green." Ed Begley will be proud. I, for one, will surely miss those fun, high-speed car chases, boat chases, bus chases, airplane chases and train chases.
In hindsight, it seems that, once again, Kevin Bacon was WAY ahead of the environmental times when he chose to make "Quicksilver."
Just another bike messenger movie, my ass!
"Curing a disease caused by a certain activity always make you want to more of that activity. I mean, once I got my tetanus shot I couldn’t stop chewing on rusty nails. They’re pretty good."
-Stephen Colbert 2/14/2007
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