what chocolate can do of a Thursday night

As I was lying in bed last night waiting for the sweet gift of sleep -- which, probably thanks to the slow waltz of Wegmans' Chocolate Elegance through my veins, was a damned long time a-comin' -- I felt like my life is really pretty together. It stunned me, wondering why I don't feel like that more often. Most of you know the answer to that: The little things get me down. I'm trying to thwart that, though. See the sunny picture. I think the arrival of spring has knocked some sense into me too, as spring arrivals are wont to do. Forget-me-nots are everywhere, and the lilacs are blossoming -- two of my very ultimately ice-cream-on-top favorite things on this earth. And I'm exercising a lot, too, which just makes a person feel good.

So I want to sing the praises of a danged good life and give thanks to the gods for it all. I have a job that's not so bad, even if it feels empty, and because of it I know Jenny and Chris K and others. I live in New York again, and maybe one day I'll feel like I really even belong here. Shelter over my head, car I love, family close by. Five fuzzbots who are some of the most amazing souls I have ever known. Amazing wonderful terrific sister- and brother-friends, who just make this life a wonderful place to be: (in no particular order) Chris R, Chris H, Ealish, Erica, Matt, Katrina, Amy, Jenny, Mary, Melissa, Chris, Chris, Jen, Blake, Karla, Megan, Paul, Kirt ... I feel like I'm giving a commencement speech here, but it's long overdue. You rock, and I love you all. I am so Goddamned/Godblessed lucky for the fact of you.

What really set me on this path was thinking about what I want in a guy -- and what I don't want. I want someone who's Arrived, who's together and happy and not needy. Someone open and not afraid. Confident and happy enough to reach out to me when I give him a flash of that smile (name the song! EALISH). When I was thinking about this, I realized that I have finally Arrived in my own sense. You never finish changing, but you hit a point where you really start to become the person you've always wanted to be (unless you were lucky enough to be that person long ago). The only thing missing in my life right now is The Guy. Everything else? Smackin' dandy fine, it is.

I've said it before, but you know what? I'm ready. For real.

(Also, I watched Grey's Anatomy last night, and that show ALWAYS puts me into an emotional tailspin or sets me musing about the big-picture state of my life.)